Page 273-290            Lessons of Enlightenment

Section Epsilon

Lesson  Two: Implications For Interpersonal Relationships

The Cooperative Level of Existence

The implications of spiritual reconnection have profound impact upon how humans think about, and interact with, one another. Once humanity has been reconnected with the inner moral guidance, the next step is to build cooperation, intimacy, and community with others.

This is a quality that was apparent in more historical cultures and can still be found in many rural environments. The urban world has much difficulty maintaining such an atmosphere, a state that encourages fear and anxiety on a daily basis.

As humans successfully interact and connect with one another, they begin to take each other further into their own self-concept. They begin to respond to each other's thoughts, feelings and actions as if they were their own. For once the connection need is discovered and honored, there can be no turning back to the conditions of isolation. Indeed, a new stage of existence unfolds, one which coincides with embracing the higher purpose of self-development.

A state of trust leads to a state of greater intimacy and vice versa. Like grape vines in the process of producing fruit, the more people become connected to each other, the more unlikely the connection will be broken.

At this stage, not one, but two purposes are accommodated with thought and action. Each emotional signal not only tells the body to self-preserve, but it also now tells the mind to self-develop in ways that now and forever consider the pain of all others before each action. At this stage, each human relationship is based upon the understanding of the interrelation and inescapable spiritual interconnectedness that is The Way. Strategies of competition and violation are simply outdated ways of thinking when one truly embraces the spiritual connection. Actions which hurt another are felt as painfully as hurt to the self and become outdated vestiges of an uncivilized past.

People begin to move from the self-absorbed state to the altruistic state, with an awareness of and empathy with others in our environment. As we move from the material to the spiritual stage in our development, the wealth developed in a competitive system becomes less important compared with more evolved pursuits and values.

This self merging is a necessary accomplishment for the divine path to unfold. The complete individual self, the mind, body, and spirit, must be brought together first and foremost, and then melded with the purposeful motion of each and every other mind, body, and spirit for true progress to occur. This was the intended message of  the earlier wisdom offered, but its meaning became distorted.   Self-melding should now replace any mutated ideas about self-sacrifice, martyrdom, and rising above self. With self-development, nothing need be lost, and everything can be gained.

Discovering our inner spirit is probably what was meant by: "To love God (our own divine nature) with all thy heart, mind and being; and to love thy neighbor (seeing the divine in him/her) as thyself." Once we know and appreciate our own true nature, we can naturally move on to relating to others in the same way.

When this transition has been successful, the dominant feelings become trust and faith which motivate the higher actions. The grander, larger sense of time and meaning begin to come to the fore as the chaotic, fear-driven life of self-protecting isolation is overcome. Reclaiming the meaningful messages within each emotional signal, will direct the choice of actions within all three purposes. As mindscapes are further refined, fewer distress signals are necessary---because life is working as it should be. This is a state of unimpeded energy flow within and between all spiritual embodiments and brings its own emotional rewards.

This is an intended and natural process that has been subverted by those who were intent on establishing control over others and who still maintain that control by extolling the fear of evil and violence so readily tied to particular personalities, be they the devil or some foreign leader. Even within a society, there are always those who are eager to blame whatever is seen as wrong with society on those in charge of it at the moment or those who should be in  prison. Fear as the tool, is effective only as long as inner guidance is ignored.


Intimacy & Community: The Gift of Sharing

There are tremendous individual and group benefits at this level of existence. Two heads can do far more than one, and the more they interact the more progress can be made. Cooperation is the most basic level of interpersonal relationships, and the next is called intimacy.

We forget, sometimes, that we are a collective, separated by our individualized personalities, our individual free will and our capability to create our own reality, but a "collective" all the same. Because of this, we have an unlimited opportunity to cooperate with each other and, in doing so, to reap the rewards of such effort.

World peace rests upon international community. Community rests only upon the strength of cooperative intimate trust between its individual members. It is easy to cooperate with another human being toward some common goal; yet it is quite another matter to remove all defenses, share your darkest secrets, and bare your soul before another. The more successful this melding of spirits, the more trusting and intimate the relationship can be. The more intimacy, the more potential information for self-development and expression of both parties involved.

In a world where allies and enemies change roles from one decade to the next, and there have been juxtapositions of contradiction during even the same time period, and countries have had nuclear missiles pointed at each other while promoting cultural and student exchanges. In fact, it's a rule of social relations that the more people learn about what they have in common, the more difficult it is to remain at odds. When both sides are moving toward establishing areas of trust, cooperation is likely to follow.

Intimacy means far more than the commonly accepted definitions which capture the physical component. It is the condition wherein there has been a meeting of two individual minds, or more accurately, building of a common-ground third cooperative mind, thought of as "us." This is the basic building block of all mass consciousness, which is the culmination of all such common-ground agreements within all communities of humans. Intimacy can be thought of as "into-me-see." It is about honesty, integrity and of opening one's self to the view of another.

A world that moves toward "intimacy" is a world full of fewer "me's" and more "us's". A world where the "whole" is greater than the sum of its "parts", and is a natural result of spiritual evolution.

Intimacy can be built within any relationship. Building intimacy begins with perspective taking. It begins with standing in the other person's shoes and becoming acquainted with their particular unique worldview and mental lens. It involves the connection to another without resistance, pretense, power games, or false image. For it involves the open, trusting, compassionate, and faithful understandings of true spiritual connection.

The Native American knew that to understand another person required a period of time (a moon cycle) of walking in that person's shoes to truly understand that person's perspective. They just put it in less contrived terms. Once the complexities of relationships are removed, life becomes much less stressful. That alone should serve as sufficient motive.

Universal love energy itself bases the connection which completes a circuit. Once loving connection is established, it can never be severed, regardless of any temporary violations or limiting conditions. Such a connection exists regardless of minor disagreements or even mistakes and self-preservationary actions which reduce the flow. Such a connection can be---and should be---remembered in each moment. Intimacy is the condition which allows the most freely flowing spiritual energy between two entities. The more complete the energy flow, the deeper the connection and the greater the benefit.

Without getting too "gushy" about it, we can expand our circle of loved ones, one person at a time. Naturally, we'll tend to gravitate toward the most loveable first, but eventually we will begin to try to understand the others in our environment and realize that what they really lack is a true affection for themselves.


The Energy Dynamics of Intimacy

Specifically, when the body, mind, and spirit within any two individuals are aligned in a singular purpose, there is maximum expression possible by both. The mind contains the gems that allow the spiritual its free expression. When the two are united in a relationship, a common goal, or even a simple conversation, there will be a circular flow of spiritual energy exchanged between them. Spirit itself is energy; energy which contains information that when adequately expressed becomes part of mass consciousness. Or in other words, to the degree that common understandings are attained, that energy is manifested as a physical cultural condition. Such energy networks form the basis of all spiritual expression in the physical realm.

What transpires between two people, be they intimates or just good friends, is that energy which defies mere words. To experience it is to understand it, but to describe it is to limit it, and yet being aware that such exists is an essential step toward seeing the "spirit" quality in all things.

This flow can be likened unto a circulating river of spiritual energy. As the purposeful expressions of one are received by another, it is clearly resonant and recognizable in joyous pleasure. This is the spiritual validation of true connection and meaningful expression. This river can be slowed down or sped up depending upon the amount of expression and receptivity of both parties---determined solely by the beliefs of mind.

Once again it is suggested that our "beliefs" serve as the governors of our understanding and appreciation of the spiritual aspect of our environment. This material suggests quite clearly that spirit is complimented and enhanced by the mere sharing of ourselves with another.

To those fear-driven entities that seek to hide from the vulnerability of open intimacy, let it be known that there is no such escape. Spiritual energy that is put forth is unmistakable to the feeling systems of others. The energy put forth cannot be falsified, it either flows freely or is prevented. It flows freely bearing the information of all combined beliefs of mind and needs of body. The more enlightened the entities, the more conscious awareness and sensitivity to this energy correspondingly develops. But regardless of conscious awareness, the emotional system will move the body to respond to what energy is put forth.

Those who know this energy and know the importance of reflecting and expressing it, have the satisfaction of enjoying the free flow that results, even if the reciprocation is not immediately forthcoming. All things considered, reaching that state of knowing was probably also slow in becoming.


Conflict

When either party has a sliver, or any strategy that is not within all three purposes, it will invoke resistance that can slow the flow until it is discovered and removed. When the expression is slowed, limited or reduced in any way, feelings of frustration will naturally result. This is the external manifestation of conflict. The same type of conflict can exist between mind and body, or within the mind of any one individual; but this is the external manifestation of conflicting beliefs which lie between two people. The negative feeling signals remain exactly the same, as do the optimal responses.

Conflict, then, becomes an educational tool, to alert one or both to the presence of something that needs to be examined internally, so that this "sliver" can be identified and removed. Of course, it takes both to make this search and a willingness to accept that the "fault lies not with our stars but with ourselves", to quote Shakespeare. Of course, if it's the other person with the "sliver," a good friend will help him/her find and resolve it.

But the body's common response to such fearful or angry frustration is to invoke the urge to fight or to take flight. With both parties feeling the frustration, there are twice as many chances for unhealthy reactions. These urges bring about resistance and the deadly habits which are the enemies of intimate connection and the antithesis of spiritual intention. The physical result is the shutting down of the energy flow, causing backlogs which must be then expressed in some other way. Such resistance and closing off to one another is the basis for most all forms of distancing, conflict, arguments, and losses of intimacy, as well as a great deal of unnecessary emotional pain. The innate natural morality that arises from mindscapes designed to honor all human needs and purposes can direct actions which can avoid disconnection.

The "conflicts" that take place in our homes and on our streets, are but microcosmic reflections of what is observed and often indulged in on an international level. When those who profess to be the leaders of their respective societies resort to resolving differences through the exercise of violence against another group (or a particular leader of a group), it establishes a pattern of behavior, reinforced through our entertainment industry, in which the "fight" solution is glorified as being not the "acceptable", but the only solution.

Resolving these external conflicts requires the same examination of the events, the existing beliefs and the identification of the conflicting ideas. Then, and only then, can resolution occur. There can be respectful ways of approaching such conflicts, but communication and resolution must occur if the energy flow is to be restored and progress is to continue. Following the rules of response, having faith and invoking the life-giving habits can mediate conflicts quickly and clearly and keep all such connections strong. These guidelines will allow the innate, natural morality to emerge and dictate action choices.

In a small country in Central America (Costa Rica), there exists (or did once exist) something called "The University For Peace". Its area of study consists of teaching the tactics of conflict resolution to young people who would master them and return to their respective countries to seek opportunities to put them into practice. In Caux, Switzerland every year, people from a vast array of countries and walks of life gather to face their national opponents and speak frankly and openly about their differences, in an honest sincere attempt to better understand their fellow human beings. These are some of the "gems" that await greater polishing and serve as hope for a world of peace.

Although natural human morality is the same in every interaction, intimacy is more of a selective choice. The choice for an intimate relationship will relate to the spiritual fulfillment and longevity found in the friendship or union. There are levels of intimacy that one can choose, depending upon the nature of the relationship. The same actions and choices would not necessarily be the best ones at different levels of intimacy. Less intimacy is necessary for temporary, distant, public, or professional relationships, while the deepest intimacy would be called for in a loving, committed union. There are four basic classes of relationships, each with its own, most effective, level of intimacy.

"Intimacy" can be as formal or as informal as we choose it to be. Once the mutual understanding is reached as to the perimeters of a relationship, progress can begin and a goal can be visualized.


The Fellowship Relationship

This is the broadest, perhaps least personal or intimate relationship of the physical realm, yet it is the one that exists between fellow spirits. The enlightened approaches to this most basic of relationships, are those set forth within these lessons. Enlightened interactions and choices are those that consider all humans within the sense of connected self. One that does not limit the sphere of self-fellows to anything less than one that contains each and every human being. One that does not resist or deny rightful human respect.

It is connecting with those who are strangers that often serves as the greatest challenge. The "fear of the unknown" combined with an environment where most of the people we come into contact with are "unknowns", as a daily experience, leads us to often regard the world as a cold, unfriendly place. This tends to be more true in urban areas, but it can also be found in small towns where everyone knows everyone else and outsiders are regarded with suspicion.

There need not be any direct interactions within the fellowship relationship. In fact, related fellows need never even cross physical paths. But they do affect one another. All actions and expressions which become part of the external world can affect human fellows. The energy contribution alone will have its effect upon everyone physically encountered. With connection, a sneer from a bitter, angry, isolated human is felt as keenly and understood as keenly by a passerby as is a friendly smile or kind word. But this is particularly true for humans whose destiny paths have taken their expressions into the public spotlight. These will be the most influential contributors to the mass mind.

Sometimes, the most disturbing experiences one can have with another human being is when we encounter hostility from those we don't even know. The opposite is also true, a kind word or smile from a stranger can make one's day. A friendly compliment directed toward a store clerk can have a reciprocating effect on down the line, as that person adopts a cheerful attitude and affects the next person he/she deals with. We need not necessarily have a strong bond with someone to affect their life in a positive way. Of course, those most visible in society can also have the most influence on how society relates to itself.

With this influence comes the responsibility to put forth expressions in keeping with enlightened, connected, cooperative humanity and away from those of the limited, competitive, survival level of existence. Expressions--- whether they be words, songs, books, poetry, stories, news, counsel, or legislation---should promote all universal spiritual values. They should advocate maximum freedom for choice of cultural values, and establish the most possible need-meeting opportunities, and exchange of spiritual resources. Those that set forth expressions, opinions, and values which promote resistance, division, or remove freedoms or opportunities from others do dishonor to their fellow humans.

They also do "dishonor" to themselves, and if they are public figures, they do it in a most public way. But whether we are public or private individuals, we carry with us the duty to promote the quality of spirit in whatever walk of life we find ourselves. In doing so, we grow along with the collective consciousness.


The Professional Relationship

This is the least intimate of the direct personal relationships. It encompasses what is termed an "acquaintance," wherein the paths have crossed for any particular reason, yet no intimate action has occurred. But generally at this level, humans have come together united for some group purpose, whether it be a business corporation, a political group, an educational goal, a public event, an artistic effort, or one of religion. But at this level, there is not much intimacy at all, there is no need to share as many aspects of self. Nor is much necessary, as long as it is understood that the rules of emotional response should always be honored, and all life-giving habits utilized.

Here is an opportunity to put into practice some of the guidelines spoken of in these Lessons, while withholding a full emotional investment in the outcome of events. If the other party with whom we are involved does not share the same view and values, it will soon become apparent and either the relationship will improve or it will dissolve. However, on a professional level it can still be maintained for practical purposes. Either way, little emotional damage need be incurred.

Clear communication of all goals and processes toward achieving them, is the emphasis at this level. The challenge is in accomplishing group goals without compromising any rightful individual purposes or needs, and without violating the rights of others. Individuals will constantly need to learn and rely upon adept social skills, tactful communication, conflict negotiation, and persuasion to attain consensus without compromising honesty or integrity. Solid bonds and powerful group actions can result with hardly any level of intimate, personal exchange.

To borrow a cliche, "Business is Business!" That said, it is also a pretext for the smooth functioning, cooperative exercise of creative action, based on guidelines of spirit involvement, where humans can put egos aside and blend their efforts toward a shared vision.

In fact, until civilization fully embraces the enlightened understandings, there will be an intense need for privacy between these public and private spheres of interaction. This springs from the freedom need, freedom from a world far too limiting. This condition also creates an even more intense need for intimacy and honest open sharing within the safety of home environments. Every entity needs a place of beauty and intimate sharing. A respite, a haven of intimacy to return to after a harsh day of taxing professional interactions in the world choked with the limitations of mass consciousness.

Herein lies the true importance of intimate relationships on a private level. When we support those who face a less than spiritual world on a daily basis, we are doing the equivalent of healing the sick and comforting the poor in spirit, preparing the other to face the cold climate of indifference and, often, callus disregard for human/spirit values.

Most human job opportunities involve this type of more external relationship. The contractual obligations and time allocations of the standard workday do not lend themselves to more intimate interactions. But mistakes are made in both directions by those involved in professional relationships. Some attempt to build inappropriate levels of intimacy is time-consuming and can work against the performance requirements. But by far, most errors come from the lack of connection, cooperation, and trust. Defensive territoriality keeps many such group efforts from attaining anywhere near their most effective level. Insubordination, infighting, and even sabotage are common occurrences. There is no room for such survival level strategies and reactions within cooperative frameworks. They are simply like cancers that stop energy flow in its tracks by denying the connections.

When our "work" becomes our life, it follows that the nature of these professional relationships is eventually transferred into how we relate to those with whom we share more intimate relations, to the detriment of the latter. The "work" environment is more conducive of the  "competitive" school of conduct, even when people cooperate to reach a goal in the war of competing against a rival. All this brings forth the judgement that "It's a jungle out there."  Understanding this will help us cope with what we are required to deal with, without surrendering to these lower vibrations.

Entities involved in professional relationships should make contributions that establish group values and frameworks wherein each individual can meet their needs and purposes within the context of the mission and goals of the group. They should build group values and standards that encourage self-development, the most free-flowing communication, and conflict negotiation to gain the maximum value from expressions of each member. From such strategies will come tremendous success toward group goals and minimize any self-preservationary reactions. Such a climate can also build bonds which might move some to step up to the next level of intimacy, that of friendship.

Those in positions of responsibility and leadership can set examples that serve to inspire the type of conduct that reflects spirit coming through. To do so, personal prejudices have to be put aside. There is no place for favoritism based on unjustified biased leanings. Each person has to know that he/she is valued on the basis of what they can do, in line with their particular abilities and chosen limitations.


Friendship

A friend is one who can freely exchange personal experiences with another in an unimpeded way. A friend is a comrade and compassionate confidant in the game of life. A friend can offer a broader and less restricted form of interaction that is more intimate, more safe, more honest and free-flowing. There will be no need for many intermediary forms of communication and negotiations, for the realms of the individual minds will overlap far more. There can be a more immediate, unimpeded, and rewarding flow of energy between friends.

It is the oldest friendships that are valued the most because of the history of trust being so strong. We make friends throughout our lives, but those relationships that go back the farthest are the most comfortable. Even as lives diverge and common interests are fewer, it is still the fact that each knows the other so well and respects each other's confidentiality that maintains the bond. Would that we could establish such a two-way street with our higher selves.

Friendships usually occur based upon some mutual commonalties and interests which operate as boundaries for interactions. The more intimate the friendship and the more common choices and interests, the deeper that friendship can be. Interactions between humans at this level involve some form of regular exchange of energy which springs from conversations, recreational activities, educational exchanges, Socratic discussions---any activities wherein there is some meeting of the minds and sharing of experience.

Without  sharing, friendships tend to be pretty one-sided. But, sometimes that is the nature of the friendship until, or unless, there is sufficient interest in expanding it on both sides. Some friendships are older than either party is aware of, and the ties that bind people may extend relationships of which neither has a conscious memory. In such cases, commonality is not a factor and sometimes, the relationship is more adversarial than friendly. However, it's just as essential, if not more so.

In the discussion of human development, such interactive forums were recommended within families for the maximum self-development of incoming children. Through friendship, all the same benefits can arise through an entire lifetime of adult development. The benefit being of course, that you can freely choose who comes into the sphere. The intimacy of friendship offers new arenas for self-development, wherein the feedback from intimate others can often point out patterns kept hidden by resistant tendencies within the self. It takes faith, honor, trust, and courage to be, and to have, a true friend.

Those who are insecure in themselves are often the most friendless. This is because if a friend even hints that the person is lacking in some fashion, the reaction is to immediately terminate the friendship. This is unfortunate, because if one remains open to a loving observation, it can serve as a positive feedback tool to educate us into a broader perspective of ourselves. This, in turn, reduces our insecurity.

When humans come into contact with one another, they will feel attractions to those that can most freely exchange energy with them. The more the energy is allowed to flow, the more the spirit expresses, and the more attractive this person will be to others, and vice versa. Friendships can be built with most anyone, depending upon the rate of mutual self-development and energy exchange. There will also be natural, spiritually familiar relationships wherein a nearly instantaneous recognition and attraction occurs, allowing intimacy to begin immediately. These are often the result of creative energies following the spiritual destiny path, combined with the existing conditions of mind. Such a friend can enter a life and dramatically alter its course and be off again on a different track.

The length of a friendship is not always the measure of its significance in one's life. There are occasions when an intense meeting of minds and emotions for a short period can alter the very course of a person's life, for the better or worse. Each friendship, like every other experience, has educational value. However, our best and most reliable "friend" will always be our inner self.

There will also be certain relationships where there are inexplicable repulsions and dislikes, also relating to certain challenges along the destiny path. Situations wherein people will be thrown together with little in common, yet entangled in necessary relationships. In either case, the rules of emotional response and avoidance to deadly habits will facilitate the most productive and fulfilling relationship.

What we learn from a "relationship" may far outweigh the pleasure we get from such. If the "friendship" is going in a negative direction and threatens to result in unjustified pain, an honest expression of its value may be in order. While this may cause some temporary pain, it could avoid complicated entanglements down the road.

But when creative reality is fully understood, humans will begin to see exactly how both positive and negative kinds of people are attracted into the life. For if the mindscape insists that some people must always be in one's life, existing as the proverbial thorn in the side, such will be the case. If there was some inescapable annoying or hurtful person in the early life experience, this belief can take root. Even if the original antagonist moves on, another will quickly manifest to fill the void. Humans can be especially enlightened by finding the meaning within each such person who enters this life. There will always be powerful learning potentials, for angels can come in some challenging packages.

We attract to ourselves what or whom we need to grow in body, mind and spirit. Those who serve the role of antagonists are there only because we need them. Once we've grown beyond that kind of "need", we will begin to attract those who stimulate us in a more positive and pleasant fashion.

In the world at present, there will be immediate obstacles to friendship due to the many existing territorial, competitive rituals common among humans. One area from whence comes a good deal of this resistance deserves special mention. This happens in the male-female relationship. Before we can discuss the next level of intimacy, we must first address one interference factor that effects all levels of intimacy. Whole communication patterns and less functional styles have long been accepted which virtually guarantee obstructions to the spiritual energy flow.

On this curious note, we can proceed to explore these obstructions in the most popular role of relationships, the gender exchange.

                                Part two of this Lesson